Okay, I’ve had almost two full weeks to get over the fact that LucasArts — bless their damned souls — released their sweet new game titled Star Wars: The Force Unleashed to every conceivable platform… EXCEPT the PC!? [umm... whiskey tango foxtrot?]

It wouldn’t be so bad if this was any ordinary game… but Lucas (the supreme chancellor himself) has knighted this game as the official canonical storyline falling into the 20 years of time between the actual Star Wars movies Episode III and Episode IV. And the biggest insult is that this game was released for about EVERY platform you’d think of… PlayStation 2, PlayStation 3, Wii, Xbox 360, iPod touch, iPhone, N-Gage, Nintendo DS, and PSP (PlayStation Portable) — everything but the PC, the most powerful and most ubiquitous platform of them all!

Some schmuck from LucasArts (Cameron Suey) was interviewed by VideoGamer.com and he had the audacity during the interview to consider the Commodore 64 and Apple IIE as more notable absences from supporting his game than the PC!? I’d like to set this fool on fire!!

VideoGamer.com: Force Unleashed is coming to every platform going, except…

CS: No Commodore 64, no Apple IIE…

VideoGamer.com: No PC…

CS: No PC as well, yes.

Hee hee… I’m Cameron Suey and our game supports everything except *yuck yuck* not the Commodore 64, and *yuck yuck* not the AppleIIE. [and not the PC] The what? Oh yeah *quietly* not the PC. Wait. STOP! What are you doing!? Why are you dousing me with jet fuel?! PUT THAT ZIPPO DOWN!!! NNNOOOONONononono AAaaahhhhgggghh AAAaaaiiiaaaaagghhhh… *crackling flames*

Oh yeah… and not the PC. That’s like saying — I have a new novel that’s been translated into EVERY language you can think of… except *yuck yuck* not Klingon, and *yuck yuck* not dolphin… [and not English] Oh yeah… and not English.

The best excuse the fools at LucasArts could come up with as that PCs are too varied in their abilities. Umm… yeah, so? You slap a minimum requirement on the side (as every PC game maker has done for decades!) and press on. Yeah, as if the N-Gage and PS3 AREN’T varied!? Their whole position is the worst kind of tripe… the folks at Kotaku.com put it best.

So tomorrow… as my NFL viewing is interrupted (again) by commercials for this rogue software… I will politely excuse myself from the television and ensure I have sufficient volatiles on hand to immolate Cameron Suey if I ever meet him.

A quick note: This is a slightly dumbed down version of the original. The score is broken and there are no hammers. There ARE advanced levels, I have seen them in the SWF file… but I can’t figure out how to get to them in the game. So if you figure it out let me know… and in the meantime I’m going to try and find a better representation of this classic.