Provincetown, Massachusetts, also known as P-town, is located at the tippy tip of Cape Cod. It has a large gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans-gendered, dual-souled, bi-curious, criss-cross, and confused population comparitively with the size of the town, making it one of the highest concentrations of gayness in America.
Now the Cape is a beautiful place that has a peaceful quiet that transcends its mere appearance of beaches and seagulls. And P-town is no exception. It was remarkable to me, however, that of all the places I’ve ever been to on the entire planet, P-town was the only one that had anything like “A Non-Hate Community” written on its welcome road sign.
So what was my impression of this “non-hate” community? I thought it was the most hateful place I had ever been… ever. Really. It wasn’t like I feared for my life or that everyone was running around with red glowing eyes and eating each other… but there was definitely something wrong with the place. I have never felt more disapproving glances. I have never seen bumper stickers and apparel with such hateful and intolerant content (usually about President Bush or Republicans). Really, this place – that touts tolerance – was the most intolerant I’d ever seen. A sick irony in an already sick country of political correctness and hypocrisy.
It was no surprise that this article just came out in the Boston Globe regarding the July 4 weekend just two weeks ago:
A new intolerance visits Provincetown
Police say gays accused of slurs
[...]
Police say they logged numerous complaints of straight people being called “breeders” by gays over the July Fourth holiday weekend. Jamaican workers reported being the target of racial slurs. And a woman was verbally accosted after signing a petition that opposed same-sex marriage, they said.
[...]
Winsome Karr, 45, originally from Jamaica, has worked in town since 2002. Lately, she said, the off-color comments stem from gay visitors who mistakenly believe that all Jamaicans share the views of an island religious sect that disagrees with homosexuality.
[...]
On same-sex marriage, the clashes have occurred as the state Legislature grapples with whether the electorate should vote on a measure to limit marriage to heterosexuals. A group that supports gay marriage, knowthyneighbor, has created a website displaying the names of more than 100,000 signers of a petition that calls for the state Constitution to be amended to prohibit same-sex marriage.
Knowthyneighbor’s tactics are controversial, with critics alleging that knowthyneighbor is making the names of same-sex marriage opponents public in an effort to expose or intimidate them. The group’s founders say they are simply promoting civic discourse.
The names of 43 Provincetown residents are listed on the website. Most of the petition signers attend St. Peter the Apostle Catholic Church, which serves the Portuguese community and others in town. The Catholic Church has helped lead the fight against same-sex marriage.
One St. Peter’s parishioner, Yvonne Cabral, was verbally accosted last Friday by Provincetown Magazine publisher Rick Hines after Hines learned that Cabral signed the petition, according to police.
Police Chief Ted Meyer plans to seek charges of disorderly conduct against Hines, who saw Cabral shopping and loudly called her a “bigot,” according to both Hines and Meyer. Other people who signed the petition — and subsequently had their names posted on the same website — said manure has been spread on their properties in recent months, Meyer added.
This is the kind of stuff that keeps Westboro Baptist Church in business.
I'm a Christ-follower, compelled by my faith toward reason, which points directly toward conservatism. This world's daily onslaught of lunacy offends my intellect and senses, so this is my venue to blow off steam.
Why would it be so bad if gays got married? They’re not bothering anyone. They’re in love.
About that, I must say I can’t really understand what makes everyone so upset about it. These poeple are already living together and sharing financial burdens. That doesn’t change if they are legally married. The only change is in taxes, healthcare, and a few things like that. I don’t see how that affects the heterosexual married couples in any meaningful way.
to reiterate:
- they’re already together. wouldn’t be my choice, but hey it’s their lives
- marriage grants a few financial benefits
- no impact on heterosexuals
There is, however, in many peoples’ eyes, on both sides of the argument, a legitimization provided by marriage. To me it seems silly, but there it is. Now the opponents of gay marriage fall into two categories in my book:
1. those who oppose homosexuality openly and therefore oppose the legitimacy marriage gives. At least these people I can respect for being truthful with themselves, even if I disagree with their views.
2. those who say that they’re okay with homosexuality but that gay marriage undermines the institution in some insidious way. That just pisses me off. An analogous position- ‘Negroes are okay but they need to use separate bathrooms, eat at different lunch counters, and ride at the back of the bus.’
I think you guys are getting away from the point – the discussion is not about the legitimacy of same sex marriage, but those fighting for their rights employing the very tactics they are fighting against
Thanks, Heather. You captured the main point of the post exactly!
The question of gay marriage as it relates to the storyis a moot one… the idea is that those who claim tolerance are indeed, themselves, intolerant. And the “no-hate” community is actually hate numero-uno.
Now… I don’t approve of the lifestyle (i.e. I’m not okay with homosexuality), therefore I wouldn’t be for same-sex marriage. However, I am opposed to anyone treating gays (and when I say gays I’m actually referring to the whole cornacopia listed at the top of the post… much like “guys” is used… except this is “gays”) like they’re outcasts or whatever. I know some people who won’t go into their homes and won’t associate in any way with them, and that’s not right, either. Even if you’re like me and you treat it as a “sin” or whatever… would you treat them differently from someone else you thought was caught in a cycle of wrong – and who is so perfect themselves that they can look down their nose at someone else?
What I can call someone on is their open hypocritical behavior and intolerant actions, though.
Interesting point: I have never heard an argument FOR same-sex marriage that couldn’t be used FOR three-way marriage… or FOR man-boy marriage… or FOR five-way-sibling-parent marriage. Any takers?
07 24 06
Well Steve:
You have done a good job highlighting the Tartuffe like hypocrisy of these jerks. And just as they are hateful and employing hateful techniques to intimidate people, Westboro Baptist Church is just as hypocritical because they champion hatred, which is antiChristian!
You know, I have lived and spent a lot of time in San Francisco and I find it to be classist and racist as well. Sure that type of behavior exists everywhere, but again, they are supposed to be a city that is a bastion of tolerance. Yeah Right!$%! Hmph, I am sorry to hear that we just cannot seem to get along as human beings. I am starting to wonder, however, if conflict is necessary for human development. Hmmm…
Regarding your question about arguments that legitimize gay marriage being used to support polyamories, you are certainly correct about that. And one reason that is compelling to support such unions is that they are with consenting ADULTS and who is the government to disallow adults from doing what they wish? But if any of the polygamists havta go on welfare, well we have to pay the cost of their folly! Now some who champion such marriage rights are totally against child adult relationships, not because it is plain out sick and wrong; but because of the power differential between adult and child and that the child cannot really give consent. The same logic can be applied to human animal marriages. Geesh, this stuff is kinda gross. But living in SF sorta forced me to interact with all of these different types of people and hear the way they think, for that I am glad. At least I know the place where they are coming from. Disturbing…
Did you hear the ACLU is sticking up Westboro Baptist Church protesting the funerals? That is so sick. I already hated the ACLU… and the ONE time they decide to champion a cause for a church it’s this?!?
I guess they hate the military more than they hate churches.
I understand the connection which you are trying to make about same sex marriage and polygomy. However, I personally feel that the vast majority of people who support gay marriage (and even those who don’t) would certainly agree that marriage is a lifelong committment made between two people. When social norms are altered, it is easy to think in terms of “whats next”? I’m sure that when interracial marriages were legalized many people were asking the same sorts of questions. As for people marrying their pets, that is totally not comparable to gay marriage. A dog is not a person, a dog cannot sign a marriage license. Persons who prefer to date others of the same sex are not animals.
I definetly support gay marriage. But I certainly do agree that there are many extremists out there who preach tolerance but refer to heterosexuals as “breeders” or other such things. I think that these people do only a disservice to the ideals for which they stand. I personally am embarassed by their behavior. However, on the other end of the spectrum we have gay bashers who are frequently rude to people based soley on their sexual preference. Now, I don’t think two wrongs make a right, but I do think that it is important to understand both ends of the spectrum. I disagree with hypocritical and hateful actions – reguardless of who is saying or doing them.
[just to clarify for everyone, this is in response to an explanation on a different website about why I was against gay marriage]
Nemokat :: I see all your points, and you articulate yourself very well and logically. I wasn’t trying to equate animals and gays by any means… and you aren’t the first to point that out. I wanted to use beastiality because – for now – we can all agree that it is completely wrong… it is the extreme. My point would be that there was a time when things that are more moderate today were considered “extreme” and “completely wrong” previously. That’s not to say we should go back to that time… it’s just to say that without a firm boundary things will shift without limit.
For instance, when you say that marrying an animal is prohibitive because the animal can’t sign the marriage license… I would contend that someone could have made the same argument for gay marriage, because the license has a signature block for “husband” and for “wife” (I think). Those in favor of gay marriage would say that allowances need to be made on those forms (or just change the forms) for gay marriage. NAMBLA would then say that the form should be changed again so that either a young boy could sign the marriage license legally or that a parent/guardian could sign for them. Then the crazy beasties could contend that if NAMBLA can have young boys get a guardian to sign, then beasties should be able to sign as the guardian of their pet.
This is all crazy absurdity, I know, but it’s not a completely unforseeable progression considering that there already is a population who want to legalize child-marriage.
When I contend that allowing gay marriage would mean we’d also have to allow any number of people to marry in any gender combination, a response I get back is that my contention is unfounded because polygomy is illegal. Well so is gay marriage (mostly), but the argument I hear for gay marriage is this simple principle: if consenting adults love each other and want to marry they should be able to. I understand that principle, but the inevitable consequence of that principle is any number of people in any gender combination should be allowed to marry. And when I ask a supporter of gay marriage why a given number of people in any gender combo should NOT be allowed to marry… I hear silence.
Oh, and I agree about the extremes on both sides. Both are equally ugly and gay-bashing is wrong.
well guys-
Isn’t that special! Poor you.
if one small town on the tip of Cape Cod gets to display bumper stickers that say they resent the President of the United States wanting to alter the Constitution to exclude gays and lesbians from marrying and marginalizing them to second class citizenship I think it’s not really too much for you heterosexuals to simply shut up up and bear.
Here’s an idea: Allow people to be the people they are THROUGHOUT the land and there will be no need for the extremes you seem to think exist (or what you’re deeming intolerance) in Provincetown. From what I see in the town the only people causing REAL TROUBLE are the out of town AND RESIDENT heterosexuals who come there specifically to voyeuristically sight-see and ridicule the homosexuals. Can’t you go bowling or something?
Provincetown = one microscopic bit of these United States
The remainder of the USA = a place where the rest of you intolerant S.O.B.s can raise your children as proper little bigots.
The Boston Globe is a running joke. Oh those poor trod-upon heterosexuals who have to tolerate all that intolerance in Provincetown. STAY HOME … and here’s a newsflash: THERE ARE AS MANY INTOLERANT HOMOSEXUALS PER CAPITA AS THERE ARE INTOLERANT AND BIGOTED HETEROSEXUALS. The rules apply to all or to none. No exceptions.
Get over yourselves. You’re whining.
i like gays
Being portuguese and having the misfortune of going there and now reading this makes me want to throw up… [darn] gays expoiting the hard work of my people and many other straight NORMAL people, turning something beautiful into a real life freak show. calling straight people breeders… yeah last time i checked thats why there are 2 different sexes.. sorry you [...] are mother earths mistake.. I am looking forward to gowing there this summer and revercing the tables on them… [...] … Morte para os paneleiros
[some edits made by moderator]
being that this site is moderated i understand that my previous comment will not be posted.. oh well i got to vent… Why should people care of what goes on in a bedroom.. it would be like me going to a perfect stranger with a tee shirt stating that i have sex with women.. thats private.. these people put their private sex life out in the open and expect no reaction? ridiculous. I cant even put into words the double standard that our society has to indure due to homosexuals… they throw something out thats private knowing that it will cause reactions and then expect no reactions and acceptance in return.. how about just shutting up about it and living your life?
[some edits made by moderator]
I’m not going to leave a long comment, because I’ll start ranting, as I’m very passionate on this subject (on the pro- gay side), but I would just like to say… the first bit of the article, about the straight people complaining that the gays call them “breeders”- gay people have been calling straight people breeders for decades. why should anything be done about that? people will continue to say “that’s so gay”, in a bad way, so what’s the difference?
I will say though, if you got negative vibes from p’town, I would put it to frustration. we just want the same rights as everyone else, and we get a bit frustrated when other people say no, you’re not equal.
That’s not the p’town I know though- there’s so much life there, where someone like me and all the others like me won’t be made fun of or condemned. I really do think it’s frustration. And some off- color, sure, because that’s what Provincetown is- “where the men are men and half the women are too.”
cheers Steve.
gosh Steve, some of these old discussions are getting resurrected, eh??? I feel the same way about Portland (Oregon, not Maine). I love going over there, but I told David that I would be afraid if I had a conservative sticker on my car, even a simple sticker in support of McCain; that someone might slash my tires. Especially since I drive an evil SUV (I live in the boonies and haul around kids and skis and such. So sue me…). I wasn’t kidding either. I could see someone doing that. However, I have yet to hear of anyone doing property damage to a car with liberal stickers in a conservative area. Might they make a catty comment. Yeah. But would they go on a “hate” rampage. I have been blogging about liberal, pro gay “hate” in the name of fighting “hate”. Although what is defined as “hate” by the left is so often simply disagreement. I may link to this post, if you don’t mind, maybe even today. I need to cough up some new content because I have been spending entirely too much time on facebook and ignoring my blog-child.
oh, btw, your web content generated an ad inviting your readers to “marry a gay millionaire”. Just thought you might want to know that….
@Liz
Yeah, I saw that advert… gave me the creeps.
I can TOTALLY see where you’d be concerned about your car being vandalized. I mean really… if we took all the people in US prisons for vandalism and polled them for who they wanted as president, do you think the result would lean liberal or conservative?
We both know the result… and we know what political flavor of people end up in prison for the most part. For every crooked white-collar-ish dude in jail for selling insider information or stealing funds there are 100,000 (at least) left-leaning freeloaders (living off the working citizens – even in jail) who were caught selling things like drugs and stealing things like high-end electronics.
Wow this blog post and its comments are so full of hate!
can some one smrt tell me whats tha point of being gay? seriously. i dont get it.
i have 2 gay moms
theres nothing different about my family then any others
i feel exspecially blessed by god for giving me 2 great moms that care about me so much and want me to succeed
even if they are same sex they love each other just as much as a straight couple and god loves everybody and that doesnt exclude gays and lesbians
gays and lesbians should have all the same rights as straight sex couples
this great country i live in is known for freedom and equal rights
well why cant gays and lesbians marry then
i find it ridiculous and is deffinetly a flaw in the constitution.
that law makes are country look like were still in the 1800s
also. i have been to ptown with my moms and my good friend josh
me and josh are both straight and the things you are saying are way over exadgerating
everyone is treated equally in ptown
it is one of the best vacations i go on
we go every year
theres great shopping
and good skate spots seeing how thats one of my loves
theres everything that a beach offers to
including whale watches and deep sea fishing
ptown is a great tourist attraction for all sex’s and types of people
its one of the funnest places ive ever been
and it probably has alot of bumper stickers about bush and elephants seeing how they are the people who dont agree with gay rights
only seems fitting there would be some in a mostly gay populated city.
“And when I ask a supporter of gay marriage why a given number of people in any gender combo should NOT be allowed to marry… I hear silence.”
Hopefully I can help to fill that silence.
I should start by pointing out that the gay community is not a monolith. There are many arguments made in favor of same-sex marriage that I do not agree with. Similarly, there are arguments I make that the rest of the gay community does not agree with. So my explanation can only speak to my own personal feelings and not to those of the rest of the community.
That having been said, it is important to frame what “marriage” is from the state’s perspective. While marriage means many things to many people, the reason marriages are recognized by the state is because the state has an interest in promoting the institution. As I’m sure you can agree, marriage promotes stability not just in the household, but also in society. When we have people working together and pooling resources rather than living individually, we create a stronger community. This is why the state promotes marriage.
This benefit is the same regardless of whether or not we are speaking of opposite-sex or same-sex couples. There is still a unification of individuals and a pooling of resources. The state should value both of these unions equally.
The difference between these unions and polygamous unions occur in other areas of law. For instance, we have a doctrine called “putative spouses”. This means that if a married woman has a child, we will assume as a matter of law that the child belongs to the woman’s spouse. If this woman has multiple spouses, it is difficult to determine who, precisely, would be the child’s second parent. And while it may be convenient to simply deem all members of the polygamous relationship to be the “parents”, what would happen in the event that one or more members of the relationship divorced? Would each member receive equal custodial and visitation rights? Would we be required at that point to determine paternity and award custody only to the natural father? Since our law also allows the primary provider of care to receive rights, what would happen if the child’s “mother” was neither the biological father or mother, but the one spouse who stayed home most often? Even more complex, what happens if partner A and B divorce, but partners C, D, and E all remain married individually to partners A and B?
Even without children involved, other areas of law become murky. What happens if a man with four wives is on life-support? On whom would the decision to continue or terminate fall? Who, as a matter of law, would be the husband’s heir should he die? And, if he did, would the four wives then be married to each other, or would he leave four widows?
There are, of course, many more examples of legal difficulties arising from polygamous relationships, however delving into all of them would put me over the reasonable length of a blog comment. But I merely want to point out that while legalize same-sex marriages would be little more than a “wave of the pen” as it were to alter marriage contracts to allow for same-sex unions, creating polygamous marriages would require a great overhaul of the rest of our laws. It’s possible, of course, but not without a great deal of work. This is why the slippery slope argument does not work; we cannot simply “slip” into something that would take a great deal more work to create.
To sum, it is not because polygamous unions are any less capable of love than two heterosexual or homosexual individuals, but simply that recognizing those unions would create a great amount of strain on our legal system.
I also want to thank you for speaking against gay bashing. While reasonable minds can differ on the subject of same-sex marriage, no sane mind should tolerate the intentional hurting or killing of another soul simply because we dislike who they are or what they think. Sometimes we become so polarized by debate that we forget that we all share a common humanity. I am glad that both of our sides are able to recognize that.
@Brian
Let me read through what you have and respond at a later time.
Holy smokes… a thoughtful response!? I’m totally not prepared.
@Chris Newland
This response is VERY late but I wanted to say that I also thought YOU gave a thoughtful response and wanted to say so. I understand the frustration vibe… and I think I understood at the time that that’s partly what I was seeing.
Never thought there were so many dumb hateful people around to write blogs like this. If you think you are a “Christ-follower” … I suggest you follow his example a little more.
Maybe those disapproving glances were actually glances of satisfaction as they marveled at your beutiful man breasts. You fine, fine conservative hunk of cake
Problem is with the so-called ‘right’ genitalia a hetero couple by law can marry. Doesn’t matter if you’re a pedophile, murderer, embecile, thief, rapist…you have the law on your side. There’s something seriously wrong with that. And frankly I’m sick of it. Make love, not war. Since hetero’s basically run the world, look what the world has come to. It certainly could use a revision. More color, more joy, more fun. Most christians hate gays becuz’ we have more fun. Some times too much. And they’re pissed off becuz’ they’ve made some idiotic pack with jesus to ‘be good’ and hold off having fun so they’ll be allowed into some fantasyland place called heaven. I mean really who is really screwed up? I say we all ought to be allowed to live and let live for love doesn’t discriminate, but sadly people do. And that must stop.