Negative99

Get behind me, Satan! I have been inundated lately with email chain letters and hoaxes. Many of these people should have known better. Really, I think the Forward All button on all email clients, foreign and domestic, should have some type of breathalyser attached to them (like on some newer vehicles) so that you cannot mass forward anything until you sober up.

Google is giving $5 to some little girl suffering from cancer for every time you forward this email to 10 unwilling participants. Applebee’s is giving a $25 gift card to anyone who sends this to 20 soon-to-be-former friends. Microsoft is tracking this email (how, I have no idea) and will sacrifice a virgin every time you don’t send this to all of your address book. Ack!

When in doubt, please do the following:

• Copy a distinct line of the email (usually containing a name or a place)
• Paste the line into a good search engine and search on it
• If you get a bunch of hits from hoax websites, copy them into a Reply All email back to the sender and all their recipients… to prevent any of them from forwarding this on (this step will cause necessary shame to the careless sender… this is a good thing)
• If you didn’t get a bunch of hits then you may have a legitimate email

One of the earliest and most well-known email hoaxes was the Neiman Marcus Cookie Recipe Hoax. One side benefit to this otherwise-abomination was the quick world-wide-web dissemination of these small tasty confections. I made them once, and if I remember they were great!

Here’s a link to the official recipe lovingly provided by Neiman Marcus themselves. And it is also lovingly quoted below, directly from their website, by yours truly.

An urban myth is a modern folk tale, its origins unknown, its believability enhanced simply by the frequency with which it is repeated. Our signature chocolate chip cookie is the subject of one such myth. If you haven’t heard the story, we won’t perpetuate it here. If you have, the recipe below should serve to refute it. Copy it, print it out, pass it along to friends and family. It’s a terrific recipe. And it’s absolutely free.

Ingredients

1/2 cup (1 stick) butter, softened
1 cup light brown sugar
3 tablespoons granulated sugar
1 large egg
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1-3/4 cups all purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1-1/2 teaspoons instant espresso coffee powder
1-1/2 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 300 degrees. Cream the butter with the sugars using an electric mixer on medium speed until fluffy (approximately 30 seconds)
2. Beat in the egg and the vanilla extract for another 30 seconds.
3. In a mixing bowl, sift together the dry ingredients and beat into the butter mixture at low speed for about 15 seconds. Stir in the espresso coffee powder and chocolate chips.
4. Using a 1 ounce scoop or a 2 tablespoon measure, drop cookie dough onto a greased cookie sheet about 3 inches apart. Gently press down on the dough with the back of a spoon to spread out into a 2 inch circle. Bake for about 20 minutes or until nicely browned around the edges. Bake a little longer for a crispier cookie.

Yield: 2 dozen cookies

If you make 2 dozen of these cookies in the next week your true love will email you. If you send this recipe to 30 people within two hours of reading it you will get a $500 gift certificate from Neiman Marcus (using Microsoft email tracking technology). If you send at least one dozen of these cookies to the Negative99 webmaster your computer will double in speed and you’ll look more youthful. If you ignore this recipe your entire family will have nightmares for a year. After that year… if you still haven’t made me cookies your hard drive will crash, any plane you get on to travel will crash, all tour buses in your nearest city will crash, and you’ll never sleep ever again. Try this, it really works… I was skeptical at first but now I really can’t get any sleep.