So I go to the mall. Our mall is a big mall… and is in the center of New York’s Capital Region. It used to be quite a weekend attraction for teenagers with nothing to do with their life, until mall officials mercifully put a restriction on un-chaperoned youth under 18 after 4pm on weekends. Now, despite the whining of idiot youth organizations, the mall is bustling with weekend spenders… including the “inconvenienced” parents who actually now have to spend time at the mall with their kids.
So I walk into my mall through Best Buy, as I always do… but I don’t buy anything at Best Buy this time. Why not? Because Best Buy lost its testicles. As a proud owner of a pair of testicles… and as my infatuation with Best Buy was directly proportional to its placation of my testosterone driven electronic interests… I shall not shop their during the “holidays”. This is decidedly inconvenient as my friends and relatives always had an automatic gift for me in the coveted Best Buy Gift Card. So if you’re listening (reading)… this year make it a Wal-Mart card, as they seem to be not having as much trouble accepting the December 25th hubbub.
So I walk out of Best Buy and am immediately accosted by young slutty girls holding big empty containers asking me if I “want to support cheerleading”. What? Do I want to support the CONCEPT of cheerleading? Do I want to support more coverage for NFL teams’ cheerleaders? I knew what she was asking… she wanted my money. But for what? Uniforms? Pom-poms? Shouldn’t she buy her own? I mean really… what possible cheerleading costs are there? And why should I pony up Hamiltons to this little tart wearing a slut shirt from Abercrombie & Fitch ($55), a slimline cellphone ($180), and slut skirt from Rue 21 ($48) asking ME for money just so her father standing behind her wearing the Tagheur watch ($330), gay Express Men pants ($45), and holding his new putter ($68) doesn’t have to pony up himself?
So I walk into the Apple store. Now, I am admittedly a PC guy… partly because my brain and motor coordination can handle more than one mouse button. Actually, I even PREFER more than one mouse button and find myself using the so-called “mousewheel” very frequently. I’m walking into the Apple store to pickup a little hard case for my new fancy red 8GB iPod nano. It’s my first iPod and I’m diggin’ it. My choice of red was because I greatly preferred it over black (the other choice), and not because it’s part of the product red movement which is a somewhat leftist dick-dance of an effort to fight AIDS in Africa by donating $10 of your red iPod purchase in the name of Oprah and Bono. This inexplicably satiates the little activist hearts of the young Starbucks demographic and relieves them of the drudgery of actually doing something to help Africans.
Going to the mall is like going to the zoo… and I like watching animals so both are a good fit, but the mall does’t help my cynicism.
It’s a dangerous business, Frodo, going out of your door. You step into the road, and if you don’t keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to.
- Bilbo Baggins
I'm a Christ-follower, compelled by my faith toward reason, which points directly toward conservatism. This world's daily onslaught of lunacy offends my intellect and senses, so this is my venue to blow off steam.
Shopping on the Internet….priceless.
he he he…me is giggling just thinking of you in that situation…I can’t remember the last time I was in a mall probably for those exact reasons. Thanks for reenlightening me to run away, far far away…
too bad there isn’t a “Dell” store in the mall…..wouldn’t that be exciting……..oh nevermind, there’s a Radioshack for people like you……
Rachel :: Yeah… Mazon.com has become a staple of mine.
BA :: You would have gotten a kick out of the cheerleaders… and perhaps even counter-offered for them to help support the Colonie Woodwind Fund.
scott :: Truth be told, I first got my iPod at Radio Shack (long story involving WIlton Mall gift cards)… but once I learned that the 8GB just came out in red and was only available at the Apple store I couldn’t resist. Dell tried to be Apple-y with that pot-smoking commercial kid… but he doesn’t do the look as well as that Dave Matthews guy they got now.
dude, what took you so long to get an iPod?!
I’m up to 3,554 songs on mine!!
You sure you want that Wal~Mart card?
http://www.afa.net/wmpassalong4.asp
walmart may have testicles, but it seems they’re going unused
11 21 06
heheheheheh You are truly hilarious!!!! And Happy Thanksgiving. And Walmart? Hmmm, you really must’ve been pissed!
I have to disagree with the testicle count of Best Buy. I think it’s nice to show diversity around the holidays. There are a lot of different cultures and religions in the US and Canada now, it’s simply a sign of respect to recognize other nationalities and cultures rather than the north american norm.
I am a bit worried that the Nano 4 feels too light and is so thin that it will easily break under pressure.
I have it… and it’s okay so far. I think they made the aluminum case just right (to be very strong on the thin sides) to withstand some punishment.
We’ll see. I still need to find an arm case for it (one that doesn’t suck like the stock Apple one does).
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[...] that I think about it, I have posted about (PRODUCT)RED before: So I walk into the Apple store. Now, I am admittedly a PC guy… partly because my [...]