I live in the socialist Northeast where any slightly critical remark that could be remotely interpreted as possibly applying to a specific culture or race is totally and extremely offensive — unless, of course, you’re poking fun at rednecks/Southerners (which to ignorant Northeasters are the same people), or Christians. Oh yes… up in the Northeast you can rip any folks with a Southern twang, and any Christians who actually believe what they say they believe, up one side and down the other… and it’s okay!?
Specifically, there are these so-called redneck jokes. These little gems get passed around in email just as much by fellow rednecks (getting a chuckle laughing at themselves) as by ignorant urban bigots sipping their pansy lattes. I think it says a lot about a race or culture when they can laugh at themselves, and I guess that means it says a lot about a race or culture that CANNOT laugh at themselves [you know who you are].
Anyways… in the vein of the proto-typical “You might be a redneck if…” I actually just received an email that put a new spin on this format. I’m repeating it here with my own personal touches and a few sharper barbs. Here goes…
You might be a redneck if…
- it never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase “one nation, under God”… or by seeing the 10 Commandments posted in public places… or by hearing “Merry Christmas” instead of “Happy Winter Holiday”
- you bow your head when someone prays, and you don’t feel uncomfortable or ashamed when you they get to the “In Jesus’ name… Amen” part
- your music talks about hard work, being honest, and fighting for your country… more than it talks about selling drugs, hitting women, and committing murder
- you stand up straight (if able), remove your hat, and place your hand over your heart when you hear the National Anthem
- you treat our armed forces veterans with great respect, and always have
- you’ve never burned an American flag, never picketed a military recruiting center, and never shouted into the face of a policeman
- you know what you believe and you aren’t afraid to say so, no matter how many leftist censors are listening
- you raised your kids to respect their elders, say please and thank you, and own up to their own mistakes
- you’d give your last dollar to a friend… or drive your pickup over to help a neighbor… or deliver a veterans’ widow some dry firewood on a cold winter day… or fight a raging fire inside a stranger’s home
The truth of the matter is that if the United States had twice the rednecks it does… it’d be ten times the country it is.
Which reminds me of another redneck joke I received that I feel paints an accurate picture of that culture:
The Pentagon announced TODAY the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF).
[insert picture of rednecks holding ridiculously sized rifles]
These boys will be dropped off in Iraq and given only the following info on terrorists:
- The season opened today
- There is no limit
- They taste just like chicken
- They don’t like beer, pickups, country music or Jesus
- They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt
I'm a Christ-follower, compelled by my faith toward reason, which points directly toward conservatism. This world's daily onslaught of lunacy offends my intellect and senses, so this is my venue to blow off steam.
That’s funny, except for the “They taste just like chicken” part.
Genius…..and so true
I live in Georgia and i cant see why Yankees (lol….we really call them that down here) make fun of us.
Plenty of brilliant people have come from the south.
Ignorance…..
I always find, as you alluded to in your post, that those that throw around the term redneck as a description of anyone from the south, tend to be just as ignorant as the people they are making fun of.
There are going to be stupid and ignorant people wherever you go, so if you honestly believe that a persons locale is a deciding factor in intelligence, it is time to start looking inward at yourself.
That last one is really true about country areas. I have lived in the city much of my life and was amazed at how friendly most people were after moving out to the country. Neighbors wave at you when you walk by, come over and shoot the breeze when you are outside working in the yard or on your vehicle, and are much more likely to go out of their way to help you out. There are still jerks, but most people I run into are much more laid back and friendly. I actually know most of my neighbors or have at least talked to them, and not just the ones that live next door.
Ingenius. I live in the countryside of southeast Michigan. A spring broke on the riding lawnmower. I go to a store to get a replacement. The store is also in the country and sells many things rednecks would want. There was a dozen trucks in the parking lot. Mine was the only car . . .
I’m proud to have been born and raised and still live in Chattanooga, TN. 99% of the population of true Southerners (or rednecks to the uneducated) are the nicest people on the planet. Don’t get me wrong, as I have a lot of Northern friends who are great people and have permanently relocated themselves to the South citing better people, living conditions, etc.
The other 1% of the Southern population are your typical jerks. We’d love to deport them to the North.
And, no, not even the Atheists or Agnostics among us are offended by the religion surrounding us. You remove reference to any specific religious icon or deity and the message boils down to just try to be a good person. There’s nothing wrong with that! Respect others’ beliefs just as you respect your own and you take away nearly all faults to be had with the rest of the world.
not to go too cultural here, but it is amazing how much of a divide still exists between north and south. having recently read may books on the early history of our nation, i find it understandable in many ways. as for southerners, i know many and they are great ppl in general, except for the occasional jerk you find in all locales. it’s interesting how differing locales/sub-cultures love to bash ones that aren’t like them. i guess that’s a study in human behavior/psych.
I love it.
Haha, nice joke there at the end.
@T.J. Mock: I also live in Georgia, and I have NEVER heard anyone call the northerners Yankees. Just wanted to put that out there =)
Oh well…..
it must be me….
I am a retired over the road truck driver, when you are up North you hear alot of Southern accents, truck drivers delivering stuff up there, but in the south you don’t hear many Yankee drivers, because the companies know that if they send a yankee driver down south, he or she may not come back, because they will see what a better life it is down south
You might be a Redneck if you have a Waffle House Credit Card
U might be a redneck if you have 2 cars that don’t move and a house that does.
Hello there
I understand what a redneck is in the Southern States, BUT..why are they called redneck?? as opposed to any other name or word, please can some-one enlighten me??
James Roberts
LONDON
Down here in the South, most but not all Rednecks are blue collar workers, and many work outdoors, for this reason many have rednecks from working in the sun all day.
It’s all true. I live in Maine and there are alot of pansy little rich know-it-alls, but they are also blind to the fact that up hear we have the same kind of people (rednecks) that they are making fun of in the south. For instance, my dad is a text book “redneck”, even though he ain’t from the south. He chews, he hunts, he fishes, he’s not a farmer but owns three john deere tractors, sleevless shirts, baseball caps, and pretty much every other stereotypical thing. So I promise, it’s just the ritzy, spoiled, “i’m better than you morons” up here that give most of us yanks that anal retentive, I’m better than you. Honestly, I’ve live in Maine my whole life and I find that it’s the ones that live in the city and not the back woods that are prissy and annoying.
Right on, my man. I was born and raised in Kansas. Let me tell y’all a little somethin about us “Back-woods-country-boy-rednecks.” Y’all think because we have an accent or like hunting or actually have morals, we’re uneducated scum. You think we’re just the down-fall of all society and class. I think y’all that say that junk need to take a step back and open your eyes. I graduated with full honors from my high school along with almost everyone in my senior class. Granted, it wasn’t as big as the city schools, but I GUARANTEE we’re smarter than you slackers. You’re all stuck up and weak. You can bad-mouth everyone, but if somebody stands against you, they’re “bad people.” We aren’t angels, by far. We have faults, but we ain’t scared to work and we know what it’s like to have to fight for what you need. That’s something you city slackers won’t ever have to face. You couldn’t if you had to. It’s all just handed to you. That’s why we support the Armed Forces so rigorously. We know that sometimes, fighting is the only answer. Some people WILL NOT listen. Diplomacy can’t work with people who aren’t diplomatic. Not all rednecks are christian either. Quite a few aren’t. Crappy stereotype. I’m Pagan. I don’t believe in God. I worship nature and everything that is. The work would be a better place without some people… But trust me on this, Rednecks aren’t the people who need to go. we’re the workforce of this country. YOU COULDN’T SURVIVE WITHOUT US! lol. We have morals, we’re kind, we work, and we help eachother (heck, we’ll help complete strangers). I love this counrty. We have things here WORTH fighting for. As much as you don’t want to admit it, there are people out there that would kill us all. There are REAL “bad guys” that want to destroy everything you for no other reason than you exsist. Life is tough. Nothing is easy. Once, you learn that, you’ll be a huge step closer to becoming an American worth listening to. One tep closer to being a little more Redneck.
BTW – United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF). SIGN ME UP!!! LOL
This list made me smile, as opposed to make me laugh. An interestign twist on the standard email i tend to recieve every wednesday when people are bored at work counting down until the weekend.
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