Facebook, for better or worse, is like being at a big party with all your friends, family, acquaintances and co-workers.
Facebook can be a great tool, and an occasional annoyance. What kind of Facebooker are you?

Facebook can be a great tool, and an occasional annoyance. What kind of Facebooker are you?

There are lots of fun, interesting people you’re happy to talk to when they stroll up. Then there are the other people, the ones who make you cringe when you see them coming. This article is about those people.

Sure, Facebook can be a great tool for keeping up with folks who are important to you. Take the status update, the 160-character message that users post in response to the question, “What’s on your mind?” An artful, witty or newsy status update is a pleasure — a real-time, tiny window into a friend’s life.

But far more posts read like navel-gazing diary entries, or worse, spam. A recent study categorized 40 percent of Twitter tweets as “pointless babble,” and it wouldn’t be surprising if updates on Facebook, still a fast-growing social network, break down in a similar way. Take a CNN quiz: What kind of Facebooker are you? »

Combine dull status updates with shameless self-promoters, “friend-padders” and that friend of a friend who sends you quizzes every day, and Facebook becomes a daily reminder of why some people can get on your nerves.

Here are 12 of the most annoying types of Facebook users:

The Let-Me-Tell-You-Every-Detail-of-My-Day Bore. “I’m waking up.” “I had Wheaties for breakfast.” “I’m bored at work.” “I’m stuck in traffic.” You’re kidding! How fascinating! No moment is too mundane for some people to broadcast unsolicited to the world. Just because you have 432 Facebook friends doesn’t mean we all want to know when you’re waiting for the bus.

The Self-Promoter. OK, so we’ve probably all posted at least once about some achievement. And sure, maybe your friends really do want to read the fascinating article you wrote about beet farming. But when almost EVERY update is a link to your blog, your poetry reading, your 10k results or your art show, you sound like a bragger or a self-centered careerist.

The Friend-Padder. The average Facebook user has 120 friends on the site. Schmoozers and social butterflies — you know, the ones who make lifelong pals on the subway — might reasonably have 300 or 400. But 1,000 “friends?” Unless you’re George Clooney or just won the lottery, no one has that many. That’s just showing off.

The Town Crier. “Michael Jackson is dead!!!” You heard it from me first! Me, and the 213,000 other people who all saw it on TMZ. These Matt Drudge wannabes are the reason many of us learn of breaking news not from TV or news sites but from online social networks. In their rush to trumpet the news, these people also spread rumors, half-truths and innuendo. No, Jeff Goldblum did not plunge to his death from a New Zealand cliff.

The TMIer. “Brad is heading to Walgreens to buy something for these pesky hemorrhoids.” Boundaries of privacy and decorum don’t seem to exist for these too-much-information updaters, who unabashedly offer up details about their sex lives, marital troubles and bodily functions. Thanks for sharing.

The Bad Grammarian. “So sad about Fara Fauset but Im so gladd its friday yippe”. Yes, I know the punctuation rules are different in the digital world. And, no, no one likes a spelling-Nazi schoolmarm. But you sound like a moron.

The Sympathy-Baiter. “Barbara is feeling sad today.” “Man, am I glad that’s over.” “Jim could really use some good news about now.” Like anglers hunting for fish, these sad sacks cast out their hooks — baited with vague tales of woe — in the hopes of landing concerned responses. Genuine bad news is one thing, but these manipulative posts are just pleas for attention.

The Lurker. The Peeping Toms of Facebook, these voyeurs are too cautious, or maybe too lazy, to update their status or write on your wall. But once in a while, you’ll be talking to them and they’ll mention something you posted, so you know they’re on your page, hiding in the shadows. It’s just a little creepy.

The Crank. These curmudgeons, like the trolls who spew hate in blog comments, never met something they couldn’t complain about. “Carl isn’t really that impressed with idiots who don’t realize how idiotic they are.” [Actual status update.] Keep spreading the love.

The Paparazzo. Ever visit your Facebook page and discover that someone’s posted a photo of you from last weekend’s party — a photo you didn’t authorize and haven’t even seen? You’d really rather not have to explain to your mom why you were leering like a drunken hyena and French-kissing a bottle of Jagermeister.

The Maddening Obscurist. “If not now then when?” “You’ll see…” “Grist for the mill.” “John is, small world.” “Dave thought he was immune, but no. No, he is not.” [Actual status updates, all.] Sorry, but you’re not being mysterious — just nonsensical.
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The Chronic Inviter. “Support my cause. Sign my petition. Play Mafia Wars with me. Which ‘Star Trek’ character are you? Here are the ‘Top 5 cars I have personally owned.’ Here are ’25 Things About Me.’ Here’s a drink. What drink are you? We’re related! I took the ‘What President Are You?’ quiz and found out I’m Millard Fillmore! What president are you?”

You probably mean well, but stop. Just stop. I don’t care what president I am — can’t we simply be friends? Now excuse me while I go post the link to this story on my Facebook page.

Prejean was asked by the boisterously homosexual judge Perez Hilton if she believes in gay marriage. She answered kindly and openly… speaking of both the joys of personal freedom and her own family upbringing and convictions.

Article here:

Miss North Carolina Kristen Dalton was crowned Miss USA on Sunday, but the big story to come out of the normally politics-free telecast was Miss California’s comments regarding gay marriage.

When asked by judge Perez Hilton, an openly gay gossip blogger, whether she believed in gay marriage, Miss California, Carrie Prejean, said “We live in a land where you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite. And you know what, I think in my country, in my family, I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman. No offense to anybody out there, but that’s how I was raised.”

She was asked her personal view… and she gave it (and well spoken, too)… and for that was summarily attacked. Let’s face it, the left hate everything about Christians and the Christocentric worldview… and they hate tolerating the views of others, so now they don’t. Gone are the days when classic liberals respected, even championed, free speech and the open exchange of ideas.

The entertainment industry is pockmarked with gossip debris like Hilton (who once “broke” the story that Castro was dead – we could have been so lucky), and having a conservative Christian view… scratch that, having any view from any faith-based or common-sense-based perspective that doesn’t pour gushing bowls of tear-filled support all over every manner of homosexual lifestyle is considered the worst form of intolerance to Hollywood.

Another article:

“This is why we have judges at Miss USA, so we find the girl to rep us ALL,” Moakler Twittered after the pageant.

“I don’t know how you can call a gay man or woman your friend and not want them 2 have the same joys as yourself. In my family we believe in equal rights for all, I am sad and hurt, I agree with Perez 100 [percent]. It’s one thing to have an opinion I am very opinionated n have dealt with backlash from it, it’s another to alienate people who cared about u.”

[...]

“Hollywood isn’t just liberal, it is fearfully liberal. It is easier in Hollywood to say you’re a drug addict or to pretty much anything than to admit to being a committed Christian,” media expert and longtime Hollywood publicist, Michael Levine of Levine Communications, told FOXnews.com.

[...]

“It is unfortunate that Miss California, who we note did not win, is so out of touch with the overwhelming majority of people her age that she wants to deny loving, committed couples the rights and dignity that come only with marriage,” said Geoff Kors, Executive Director of Equality California.

Prejean has garnered a lot of support nonetheless.

“The majority of California’s voters — more than 7 million people — voted to protect traditional marriage, and we congratulate Miss California for her conviction to speak her beliefs,” Ron Prentice, chairman of ProtectMarriage.com Coalition, said.

I love how all these leftist elites show such shock, dismay, and disgust at an opposing viewpoint… that you’d think affirming traditional marriage was something unseen in years, like yellow fever or a grateful teenager. You’d never guess that the ENTIRE STATE OF CALIFORNIA just voted on and passed Proposition 8 defining marriage as an opposite-sex union. So in actuality Miss California is more accurately representing her state that anyone seems to realize. More importantly, she was being frank and sincere… being considerate and honest. All these traits befit this would-be pageant winner… someone with inner beauty to match her outer beauty. And all those traits, adding in morality, decency, TRUE tolerance, and love, are completely missing from Hollywood, the radical left, and almost every homosexual activist I’ve heard or read. Shock.

More from Hollywood:

The way Hollywood has piled on Carrie Prejean online since the Miss USA pageant on Sunday, you’d think the Christian college student had called for a tax on botox!

[...]

Even Miley Cyrus had something to say to Perez Hilton on the issue.

“[I] am a christian and i love you – gay or not. BECAUSE you are no different that anyone else! we are all gods children! i am not saying this so would be nice on your site (though that would be nice jk;) but because the LORD has spoken “love cuz god loves” hey!!! what about me??? would i make a good miss usa?? ”

Heidi Montag, another committed Christian, also twittered her thoughts.

“[L]esbians should have the same government rights that Spencer and I will when we get married. So, yes, this blonde Christian believes in gay marriage. God says not to judge and I would never try to judge ANYONE! Nor should our “free” country,” “The Hills” starlet wrote.

Oh, so instead of committed Christian #1 supporting her fellow sister in Christ (who was attacked for kindly and humbly sharing her feelings), Miley instead ingratiates herself with the attacker!?

And so-called “committed Christian” #2 supports homosexual marriage!? Umm… sorry folks, not a Christian.

Trump defends.

This guy from Breitbart.TV explains this whole thing better than I ever could. [article link]

A young Barack Obama

They’ll Let Anybody Vote

I remember being at a party a few months before the election. I was in a side conversation when politics was brought up (not by me, I swear!). An early-twenty-something schoolteacher voiced his enthusiastic support for Obama. To this point the only topic this fellow seemed knowledgeable in was hard liquor (seriously — and indeed this party of mostly church-goers talked more about hard liquor than any other topic… astounding… but I digress).

So, intrigued, I prodded him for a few details of why he supported Obama. His faced turned uncomfortable, but he managed to mumble something about “feeling” Obama was a good choice and would “bring change”. Unsatisfied, I asked for which of Obama’s proposed changes he favored the most. Astoundingly (or not so), this schoolteacher — this young “learned” instructor of my community’s children — could not name even ONE THING Obama professed to change.

His ignorance is not without healthy company…

Electric Justice

A man kept having his McCain signs stolen… so he set up a camera and electrified the sign. [article link] Turns out a local neighborhood liberal had coerced his young son into crime… replacing local McCain signs with Obama signs. But this time he got “caught”.

This is a wonderful, feel-good story. It’s beautiful… really. This man, an electrical engineer, used his skill to electrify his property and brought joy to the world. Joy in the form of pure, justice-honey. Mmmm. Poetry… a balancing of the universe… like the dawn’s light pouring over green hills.

She Said What?!

So What Does Change Really Mean?

Change Means Socialism

Mugshots for Change

Let me leave you with a collection of Obama supporter mugshots? Indeed, this is the kind of thing you’d probably never be able get from a conservative candidate. Behold the faces of change!

Some Obama supporters

In today’s world of political correctness (a true mental disease if ever there was one) Thanksgiving seems to be largely rewritten by elitist swine in our education system. I remember that Maryland public school kids were allowed to thank anyone for Thanksgiving — except God!? Now I’m reading that a 40-year Thanksgiving dress-up tradition in a California school district is being scrapped by un-testicled school officials who are cowering to some young Indian mother with a tomahawk up her butt about the whole thing.

For a fresher perspective on Thanksgiving read Rush Limbaugh’s recent chronicling of the early settlers’ experiments with socialism and free enterprise. Apparently William Bradford learned very quickly what many today will never learn.

Despite the consistent stream of idiocy surrounding me in virtually every facet of my existence on this rock there is MUCH I am thankful for. Much. I am thankful that there are still some around me who believe in truth. There are still some who will stand against stupidity and political correctness — who will rebuke “offended” people just like Jesus did. I am thankful that my life (despite the pool of unintelligence I have to wade through daily) is relative a day in the park… an amusement park… a big amusement park with lots of rides and fried junk food. I’ve got it good, and I am commanded to share what I have been blessed with to those in need – and to do it in God’s name and in an effective manner.

So, happy cynical Thanksgiving!

Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack.
1958 – Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack’s shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
2008 – School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.

Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.
1958 – Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
2008 – Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.

Jeffrey won’t be still in class, disrupts other students.
1958 – Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by the Principal. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2008 – Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability.

Billy breaks a window in his neighbor’s car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.
1958 – Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.
2008 – Billy’s dad is arrested for child abuse.. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. State psychologist tells Billy’s sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy’s mom has affair with psychologist.

Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.
1958 – Mark shares aspirin with Principal out on the smoking dock.
2008 – Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons.

Pedro fails high school English.
1958 – Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college.
2008 – Pedro’s cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action laws suit against state school system and Pedro’s English teacher. English banned from core curriculum. Pedro given diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.

Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant bed.
1958 – Ants die.
2008 – ATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated, Johnny’s Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.
1958 – In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2008 – Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy.

So what’s the deal with these lethal peanuts? Not to sound old and cranky, but when I was growing up there was never such a thing as a so-called “peanut allergy”. No student was ever punished for bringing a PB&J sandwich to school… and surely no school kid ever got charged a felony for cookie crumbing his classmate’s stuff. Neither was any airline being sued for serving the proverbial “in-flight peanuts”. What the heck is wrong with kids today? Is something wrong with mothers’ breasts that their milk is poisoning their kids’ immune systems? Perhaps the mothers are watching too much Oprah!

Being slightly fed up with hearing about this on the news (and feeling not-so-compassionate) here’s my pictorial ode to this problem:

After further thought I noticed that there are lots of “disorders” and “conditions” – unheard of when I was young – that are lowering today’s kids on the evolutionary totem… like ADD and all kinds of autism. So what gives? Something has changed, for sure. Recently on a discussion board I read a school nurse’s personal observation:

[My] first decade of school nursing involved NO kids with food allergies. In 1998 the first child entered our school with a peanut allergy. Now, 10 years later, we have dozens of children with increasingly complex food allergies.

I agree that there is something very serious going on with the health of our children and instead of looking only at treating kids with allergies, we need to be researching the cause. 1998 is the same year we had our first autistic child, our first (ODD) oppositional defiance disorder, and all degrees of (PDD) pervasive developmental disorders. We invented a whole batch of new diagnostic names that had never existed before during the next couple of years.

There are questions I want answered: Why were these kids so different from our previous children? What happened to the kids who entered school in 1998 that was new to the human experience? What compromised and confused their little immune systems; and why were their bodies confused about healthy foods? If you take time to examine the history, you immediately notice these were the first kids who got Hepatitis B shots as newborn babies in the hospital nursery. [...]

Ya know, that’s a good point. The more people I talk to who have really delved into the “science” behind some of these vaccinations, the more I hear about how much “junk” is in that stuff. Now I’m not trying to stir up a scare… or tell you not to vaccinate your infant. But there’s a lot of coincidences… and if you talk to medical professionals (I live with one) they’ll relate lengthy anecdotal evidence for reasons to be suspicious.

Then again I got ALL my shots… and by ALL I mean the Army jacked me up with everything. EVERYTHING. Not to mention in high school I immersed my entire hand in a beaker of mercury. And look at me… I’m perfect fine still breathing.

Now, that GGW guy Joe Francis is scum for sure… but Dupré is suing him for $10 Million dollars partly for falsely advertising that she performed for their cameras. Except that – wait for it – she DID perform for their cameras. In fact I read that he has TONS of footage she willingly did for GGW (for some cash) back before she was infamous.

Anyways, Dupré’s lawsuit says that Francis “ruined her reputation”. What? Are you serious? Gee… I would have thought that it was taking your clothes off in front of a camera (and a crowd of drunk guys, also with cameras) and dancing around naked groping yourself that would have ruined your reputation. I would have thought that getting busted prostituting yourself out to strangers would have ruined your reputation… but what do I know? I think Francis (the scum) said it best:

It’s hard to imagine how anyone could actually ruin a hooker’s reputation.

This almost reminds me of Monica Lewinsky who after the VERY famous Bill Clinton scandal found refuge from various media questions by saying that comment on it wasn’t “appropriate”. Hmm… I wouldn’t have thought for her propriety was on the table… apparently neither would she, having spent so much time under it.

Now I’ve used some straight-forward language here… and it’s not because I think I’m immune to the pitfalls of this rock. But what I am big on is personal responsibility. My libertarian leanings tell me that we should be free to make choices, and then be responsible for the consequences… whether gain or pain, treasure or pleasure, shame or fame, embarrassment or harassment. [admit it, how many of you just pronounced harassment like the Brits so that it rhymed! ...I love this too much] Well, since I’ve taken so much flak for not being compaaaaassionate lately I’ll add the following disclaimer.

Compassionate Disclaimer: Jesus loves everyone mentioned in this post.

• Educate yourself on nuclear power. Learn to pronounce it (noo-clee-er, not like noo-kyoo-ler) and then learn all about it. The Nuclear Energy Institute has a great educational website filled with facts, truth, and mythbusters. Seed Magazine has a well-produced one-page cribsheet on nuclear energy. And my own website has a small Nuclear Engineering section with some good resources.
• Once educated, take action whenever you hear misinformation about nuclear energy recklessly interjected into popular debate. Dispel the myths, refute the lies, and lay a logical smackdown on the blathering freaks zombified from prolonged exposure to neo-utopian green-ness. Write your politicians about supporting nuclear energy. Write your politicians about equal environmental standards for so-called “developing” pollution mammoths (like China and India).
• Don’t believe the hype. Actively disregard anything being loudly shouted by student environmental activists. They’ll stand outside at protests screaming nonsensical eco-chants, yet they haven’t even done anything useful for the “Earth” yet to begin with… see what they’re like in 20 years trying to hold a job and raise a family. Usually these snot-nosed airbags are just echoing the sentiments of some socialist professor, and carry with it vehement disdain for the environmental policies of the United States. News flash, the US (and most western countries) are meccas of green gold – veritable bastions of crunchy tree-hugging hippies – compared to the rest of the planet. Ignoring environmentalist wackos usually can only benefit the Earth.
• Live reasonably. If you live in the West and you aren’t giving time and/or money to some worthy cause somewhere… then there’s a good chance you are selfish, and selfish people hyper-consume for their own ends. Break the habit by supporting a poor child. Consider setting aside a portion of what you’d normally spend on intra-family gifts to help out the local city mission. Contact your local church and find out if they know of anyone in need of some groceries or yard work. By spending your wealth (and if you’re in the US, you’re wealthy) partially on others, you’ll consume less and be a better steward of the environment.
• Don’t pollute. That includes YOU – fat lady driving in front of me throwing your McDonald’s bag out the car window onto the road! That also includes YOU – smoker who thinks the entire friggin’ planet is an ashtray for your cigarette butts! If I could magically cast two spells… the second one would be that every conscious act of polluting would take a week off the polluter’s life.
• Whatever Al Gore says… the opposite is probably true. Act accordingly.

Happy Earth Day!

My wife, the nurse-type, has taught me to initially give grossly obese humans the benefit of the doubt… because it is conceivably possible, however unlikely, that their condition is from a freak “gland” issue or some other medical condition that they either did or did not bring upon themselves. The aforementioned fellow definitely appeared to be a self-infliction.

But I also believe in freedom. I think everyone is free to eat however they choose to within their means. I say “within their means” because I think there is something fundamentally flawed with being obese AND collecting public assistance. I’ve covered this before including the sometimes non-usefulness of WIC.

For instance, does it make any sense to give food stamps to obese people? Okay, there could be the extreme exception for medical reasons, loss of a provider, natural disaster or other misfortune. But I mean, really… on the whole is someone who is obese really in need of assistance getting food? Aren’t those people’s layers of lipo-love-flesh a testament to the fact that they have a ready supply and are indeed eating very well, thank you?

So if you have your own money then you should be able to use it to buy whatever food you like (healthy or unhealthy) and eat it in whatever quantities you like (dainty or super-sized) however often you like (first breakfast, second breakfast, elevensies, and so on). My communist state of New York has already banned trans-fats from restaurant use in some areas – even though this has problems of its own.

And recently we find that misguided (read authoritarian) politicians in Mississippi want to ban fat people from restaurants!? How insane is that? Granted, I’ve seen some of the largest people anywhere at the local Chinese buffet squatting in a booth and scarfing down every fried morsel they can get their greasy, stubby fingers on. But so what? It’s a free country, right? Or at least it WAS.

Here’s the rub… to be a FREE country you have to enforce two very important principles. First, people must have free choice. Second, people must bear the consequences of their choices (both good and bad) . This is tremendously important. Consequences to one’s own actions is a feedback mechanism that must not be tampered with or the delicate balance that allows for free choice will be disrupted.

If people want to eat gluttonously, that this their free choice. Then, if they want to fly somewhere, and their large torso won’t fit into a normal airplane seat, then they can buy two tickets for adjacent seats or choose another form of travel. If their morbid obesity causes severe medical problems, they need to figure out how to pay the upcoming medical bills or go without medical attention. If they are wealthy and can pay medical bills without batting an eyelash, good for them. If they used their free choice to acquire health insurance, good for them. If they used their free choice to blow their money on non-essentials, then they should rely on family and friends to help pay their bills (NOT the government).

If the government stepped in and “cushioned” everyone whose gluttonous lifestyle caused huge medical bills, then that combined with finite resources would create the need to start dictating to people what they can and cannot eat. This is bad, but is necessary in a socialist state where health care is “provided”. The UK is already projecting huge costs to the public over the next few decades due to the terrible obesity “problem”. Who knows what further behavioral restrictions will be put in place there. That is exactly why I’m 100% opposed to ANY form of universal healthcare.

My state, New York, wants to give legal state driver’s licenses to illegal aliens. Yep… you heard me correctly. That should be a twisted joke, but it’s a twisted reality. Among the ir-rationale is the standard drivel about “they’re just here to work” and “this will let us keep better records on them”. Better records? Why would we need better records… are we going to be using these “records” to arrest them? Then why not just arrest them when they apply for the license? How is it that the laws requiring known illegal aliens to be detained and deported don’t apply at the DMV (Department of Motor Vehicles)? This is lunacy… yet elected cronies taking in high salaries (compliments of the taxpayers) support this madness because it BUYS THEM VOTES.

And of course this issue runs much deeper, but let me say that there is no comparison between a United States citizen from Mexico, and an illegal alien. They are two totally different people. They both may be hard workers, but one is duly and lawfully eligible for all the rights, freedoms, and opportunities of every other American citizen – while the other has not only disrespected our borders, our immigration rules, and broken our laws, but is also stealing health care, welfare, and pretty soon driver’s licenses. Mexico doesn’t tolerate illegal border crossings INTO Mexico (just as no country does, nor should they)… but Mexico gets on us for protecting our border. And why? Follow the money… Western Union money transfers from the US are Mexico’s third highest source of income!

Al Gore wins the Nobel Peace Prize. For what? A documentary? A movie of questionable science? For parading an entourage around the globe in private jets to talk about the dangers to the environment from parading around the globe in private jets? And the rationale why global warming would have ANYTHING to do with peace is that global warming will “eventually start conflicts”? How about the conflict between “An Inconvenient Truth” and the actual truth? How about Al Gore preaching that society needs to start living more simply and efficiently – while Al goes and buys another mansion to visit in his private jet (read mega-petroleum-guzzling sky-beast). The Nobel prize has become a bit of a joke, I guess. I actually think Borat was a much more accurate documentary… we should have given the peace prize to Sacha Cohen.

I’m already done with the Presidential campaigns. They have used up my entire allocation of bicker-absorption. I can’t listen to it any more. Does that make me “disenfranchised”? I think it does. I think in the name of all that is good and right I shouldn’t have to see Hillary’s, Osama/Obama’s, Rudy’s, or McCain’s face for another 12 months. At the very least I want to see the candidates actually work for their air-time… like perhaps in a “Survivor: Washington DC” or “Fear Factor” style reality show where Hillary would have to drink monkey snot while wearing a slinky little bikini in order to earn 5 minutes of sound bites. Obama and McCain would have to wrestle in a tub of broken glass while eating scorpions to see who gets to speak next. Or how about the Price is Right? That would be sweet… watching politicians who haven’t shopped for their own groceries in decades try and guess the price of baking soda or cooking spray. Ha!

And again… on my recent trip to Chicago… I got to watch airport screeners hassle aged World War 2 vets and little old Asian ladies so that the TSA doesn’t look “insensitive” towards male 18-34 year-old Arabic-speaking non-US-citizens who have legal support agencies ready to sue the city, county, state, and federal government at the drop of a Koran. Another example of how not having the moral courage to be a jerk to non-citizens means having to be a jerk to EVERYONE… which then quickly erodes into usually just being a jerk to people who you know aren’t carrying bombs (e.g. World War 2 vets and little old Asian ladies).

Fatigue.

State of Global Warming

Ha! It’s hard to believe anyone is still taking this seriously, but for those keeping score at home – it now appears that in addition to cows… moose are contributing to global warming more than automobiles?! You can’t make this stuff up. Some braintrust of researchers in Norway are concerned that moose are belching and tooting the environment into potential catastrophe. This instantly conjures scores of pointed questions targeting the validity of the research and the sanity of the researchers, not to mention the dubious scientific conclusions.

One question I might ask is… then why is it also getting warmer on Mars? Are moose belching there, too? And why does your comparison regarding the larger carbon footprint of a moose, compared to a car, lead you to the conclusion that moose are even a BIGGER threat… rather than the conclusion that, “Oh, maybe cars aren’t doing as much as we thought.” And why haven’t we seen the effect from moose before now… because surely with all of man’s atrocious macho-paternalistic pillaging of the world’s natural habitats wouldn’t there logically be FEWER moose today than there used to be? And better yet, how are the PETA crazies going to take this… do we wickedly hunt down and eat these tasty yet evil beasts of voluminous anal gas?… or do we honor their natural existence as it starts to boil the oceans?

See… it’s those Catch-22′s that make it so hard being on the left.

State of Sports

It’s great when the highlights of every major sportscast right now includes footage of Michael Vick. Actually that’s not great. Actually it’s a horrid picture of the journalistic sensationalism that consistently manages to displace actual news with repetitive drivel. And doesn’t it warm your heart to know that organizing dog fights is yet another act society scorns more than the plunging of cold steel into the base of a baby’s skull?

State of the Blog Spam

82,382 spam comments blocked… and counting.

State of the Blog Design

This may not mean much to some… but the new design will be a labor of progressive enhancement. So basically, I’m going to put up a new design that will function adequately and will look different… but will not be in its final state, nor will it have any bells and whistles. After I begin this process I will be tweaking the design over the next few weeks to “tune” it to what I want. This is in contrast to the usual design reboot that most sites do where the entire design is completed in a sandbox environment and deployed immediately in a near-finished state.

State of the Prison System

As much as the geographic snobs here in the Northeast love to snoot their beaks at anyone with a southern twang (which to us is everyone from Pennsylvania down), I can’t help but be reminded that folks down south got themselves a better way of gettin’er done. Take this story about a jail in South Carolina that is making inmates who sexually misbehave wear a pink jumpsuit for three months of their “stay”. I love that idea. I love every part of it. Here you got these inmates who are exposing themselves (and worse) to female prison guards… and the prison has thought up a very clever way of “marking” them as the deviants they are for the rest to see. Shame. Shame – used appropriately – is a great thing.

Of course, there’s a lawsuit against making inmates wear the pink jumpsuit. This lawsuit was filed by a current inmate serving time for assault & battery with intent to kill… and he thinks wearing a pink jumpsuit will unfairly “label” him and cause others to make derisive comments. [cue the violins] Somehow I don’t feel sorry for this felon… and somehow I don’t feel sorry for a criminal being shamed for acting like an animal. In fact, if anything, it blows my mind that inmates can expose themselves and throw semen on female guards without fear of punishment… and even in “progressive” South Carolina. Holy smokes… how in NASCAR’s name do inmates get away with that to begin with?

I mean seriously… let’s say an inmate throws a urine/feces mixture (which is common) on a female prison guard – you would/should whack them with your nightstick. If they do it again (for whatever insanely idiotic reason) you would/should whack them twice… and they do it a third time and you whack’em thrice… and so on and so on… you get the idea. Logically the greater the pain inflicted by strikes with a nightstick the less “attractive” the urine/feces throwing becomes. And again, logically the more severe and numerous the nightstick strikes the greater time will pass between urine/feces throwing events. One could even postulate that there is a critical number of nightstick whacks that would preclude any repeat urine/feces throwing events for the remainder of their sentence.

Now, the above reads a little totalitarian with a dash of sadistic fascism… and a pity it does. But it certainly puts the pink uniform in a better context. And we can only wish for the day when they’ll bring back the stocks.

A rudimentary perusing of the vegans’ literature and “statements of faith” [my term] will shock most sensible people. While the pursuit of humane treatment for animals is noble – and something I greatly agree with – the thought that by simply not eating meat, fish, or dairy (and actually a bazillion other things you’d never think were animal-related) you are avoiding negatively affecting the natural environment and the animal kingdom is laughable… laughable in a riotous hyena-slapping kind of way [and I recommend a little more iron from red meat might stimulate the brain waves into clearer thinking].

You see… as a living creature ourselves, humans consume their surroundings. We breath the surrounding oxygen… we eat the surrounding plants and animals (mmm… tasty animals)… we occupy the surrounding shelter. We actively displace the natural environment – be it plant or animal – that would otherwise occupy our space… and we consume the food and resources that would otherwise sustain that nature we are displacing. We partake in a society that burns fossil fuels. Every day we live pollutes the land. We are the antithesis of environmentally-friendly.

So the very existence of a vegan is a paradox at best… and vegans having children is outright hypocrisy. Each living vegan is negatively impacting the plant and animal kingdom. The only way to really, truly stop adversely affecting the environment is to kill yourself. So any vegan who is spreading their “faith” has obviously not killed themselves, and decided that selfishly living in knowing exploitation of nature is better… and should thus not be taken very seriously.

And besides… if we weren’t meant to eat animals, why are so many made of steak? Those wishing to truly help nature and the animal kingdom should visit Ted Nugent’s hunting website or Easy Wild Game Recipes.

Flying out of Albany International Airport has become a real treat. Newly renovated and clean airport. Fast lines. Not crowded. Efficient even at its busiest. Smaller airports are just that much better post-9/11. However, my iPod nano earned me a wanding and a frisking after I forgot it in my pants going through the detectors (my fault).

One thing that really bugs me about the uppity security these days is the incomprehensibly insane use of “randomness” to spot-check travelers with extra measures. Most TSA workers will let travelers who fall into the terrorist-typical demographic just pass by – usually for fear of legal reprisals instigated by Islamic defense foundations… while little old white men in wheel chairs who can barely walk are made to struggle to their feet for a wanding and frisking – all in the name of “not singling anybody out”.

Now, the fact is – not all Muslim men aged 17-33 are terrorists… not even half are… not even 1% percent are (I don’t think). BUT, almost all terrorists have been Muslim men aged 17-33. Doesn’t that tell us something about how we should protect ourselves? I mean… do we really have to jerk around the poor old man in the wheelchair just to feel good about how “fair” and “sensitive” we are?

Okay, so Tami and I walked the National Mall… which to my dismay was not a place to shop. The monuments were handsome and dignified. The memorials were plentiful and truly moving… I especially enjoyed the World War II memorial (always makes me want to watch Band of Brothers again… but that’ll be discussion for another post).

View the full gallery of Washington, DC pictures here.

While at the World War II memorial I could see a few scattered vets recounting battles, scars and lost friends to their families or even to strangers – whoever would listen. I was listening. A quote inscribed onto a granite wall says it best:

OUR DEBT TO THE HEROIC MEN AND VALIANT WOMEN IN THE SERVICE OF OUR COUNTRY CAN NEVER BE REPAID. THEY HAVE EARNED OUR UNDYING GRATITUDE. AMERICA WILL NEVER FORGET THEIR SACRIFICES.

President Harry S. Truman

Yet, an inescapable incongruence gnawed at my gut as I stood at the World War II memorial. You see, we often hear the phrase “Support Our Troops” – mostly justified, but perhaps tossed about too flippantly at times… much like the American Flags purchased on September 12, 2001, that by September 20 were sitting atop their owners’ trash heaps. However, even more curious to me is the phrase “I support the troops, but I don’t support the war.” I don’t question the patriotism of this phrase’s speaker simply because of the phrase… but it seems that many of this phrase’s speakers actively disregard, dismiss and even loathe the military. I personally know a few of the exceptions… but the rule prevails easily. As I stood at these war memorials – and the feeling of national sacrifice and diligence stirred my insides – the inescapable incongruence gnawed at me. How can you “support the troops” while you are holding rallies “against the war” and calling out American soldiers as rapists and murderers? How can you “support the troops” when all your activism is geared towards raising money for partisan political organizations and for “impeaching Bush”?

I would be remiss not to mention the DC rail system – the Metro. I am spoiled with NYC’s subway system that is a flat $2 fee no matter where you go. The DC Metro fee system was nearly incomprehensible. I started laughing when I saw it… each stop has it’s own individual charge!? Check out the picture of the kiosk below to see what I mean.

And alas, while flying out of Albany is a pleasure, flying out of BWI is painful… very painful. The lines at security were retardedly and unnecessarily long. One guy got sick of waiting and started cutting in front of huge groups of people. The TSA checker nearest me saw the man doing this (mostly because a few justifiably angered travelers spoke up) and ordered him to stop and stand fast – but he told her “no” and said if she didn’t like it she could call her supervisor. She did, and her supervisor came over… and did NOTHING!? I could overhear him say that because the guy was really mad about the long line that they’ll just leave it be. Wait a minute – this guy can cut in front of people, swear at the people who object, disobey the lawful orders of a uniformed TSA worker… and TSA security does nothing? Whiskey tango foxtrot?

You know… if you’re gonna’ be stupid, you gotta’ be smart about it.

I love one-liners, and the poetry of this one rang true in my ears as soon as it left my lips. I quickly Googled to see if anyone had ever officially said it yet (like Yogi Berra), and to my delight they had not. So I get to have my very own one-liner… my very own Yogiism. Well done me.

The event that stimulated this burst of reason was this – I was told of a group on the website Facebook (a social networking site similar to MySpace) that was entitled “Henry Mills sucks penis” [the name has been changed]. This group was started and joined by current and former members of a local Christian school… and the object of their wrath, Mr. Mills, is a well-respected official of that same school and church. The group’s Facebook page includes disrespectful and insanely inappropriate and infantile content that I won’t share here.

Now… how nervy do you have to be to create and/or join such a group actually using your primary Facebook account with your name and picture displayed for any school official or parent to identify… and to do this while having not yet graduated from the school?! While you’re at it why don’t you just set your diploma on fire right now?! And needless to say, once the school found out about this Facebook group just a few days ago, it was quickly put out of its misery.

So upon hearing this story I exclaimed, “You know… if you’re gonna’ be stupid, you gotta’ be smart about it!” There is harmony in this statement – it’s found in the mix of bumbling wisdom and denotative paradox. But as I pondered, I discerned some “deeper” force at work here. So I put my thoughts down in the form of a socio-algebraic law:

Mooradian’s Law of Multiplicative Idiocy

As the probability of an individual or entity to engage in an idiotic action increases, the faulty cognitive processes driving this increase also propend the same individual or entity to engage in further related idiotic actions, such that the original idiocy is amplified through a mechanism of synergistic multiplication. This described propensity incites a daisy-chain of idiotic action occurring independent of (and possibly in addition to) the coincidental succession of an individual’s or entity’s natural random idiocy as expressed by a Poisson distribution.

As a previous leader of soldiers, I truly saw this law in action. Anyone who’s been in the military knows soldiers and sailors sometimes have an affinity for mayhem. And certain sailors and soldiers have perfected foolishness down to a black art. Now, it amazed me how my soldiers would sometimes commit egregious acts of idiocy, and follow it up by recording their actions in photographic or audio-visual form – thereby supplying incrimination leading to their own demise!? That’s the law of multiplicative idiocy.

Recently, on a local blog, I was conversing with an argumentative and illogical fellow. No sooner had I soundly discounted all his faulty lines of reasoning, when a mysterious second fellow appeared on the blog and echoed the first fellow’s identical illogic. Little did “either” of them know that I’m an admin for the blog… and I could see that “both” fellows were posting from the same IP address! Upon greater inspection, a third and fourth troublesome fellow on the blog were also from this same IP address! When pressed for the truth, the original fellow claimed that the other “three” fellows were indeed real people (housemates) whom he shared his home computer with. Of course, he couldn’t then explain why when I tracerouted his IP address it routed back to a single-point external gateway for a local health insurance company (as verified by their IT security staff). That’s the law of multiplicative idiocy.

How about the lady who tried to pay for her Wal-Mart merchandise with a counterfeit bill? She used a bill of such a high denomination ($1 Million) that not only did the store have no choice but to examine the bill with such scrutiny as would certainly discover the fake… but the store wouldn’t have had nearly enough cash to even make change, anyway! That’s the law of multiplicative idiocy.

The robber who empties the convenience store cash register, but then pays for a soda with his credit card before leaving. The student who vandalizes school property, then brags about it to a teacher. The man who shows up to DUI court drunk. That’s the law of multiplicative idiocy.

Like most people today I was incredibly disappointed at the American justice system. Paris Hilton, lawfully sentenced to 23 days in jail, was set free after 73 hours. [story]

I say “free”, because that’s pretty much what it is. Instead of serving the rest of her time in prison (which is supposed to be a bad place), she is allowed to go to her multi-million dollar Sunset Strip home under “house-arrest”. Sounds really heart-breaking, right? That will teach her! Instead of 20 days in a small cell… 40 days in a beach party palace. She went from not having even a cellphone back to her full-blown life, merely limited to the boundaries of her personal resort castle.

Everything about this is fishy. This was supposedly for medical reasons? Then why didn’t she go to the hospital? Sounds like she merely cried her way out of it… greased the palm of some prison official… and got herself a psychiatric get-out-of-jail-free card. And to add insult to judicial injury, her actual 73 hours in jail somehow miraculously counts as 5 days?!

Now, don’t get me wrong… I’m not getting on her because she’s a spoiled brat and I want to see her suffer (although I kinda do). I know that back when Martha Stewart received jail time it became frightening fashionable to bash her and question whether or not she was getting special treatment. I was not one of those people. I don’t think celebrities should be treated any different… and that’s why this Paris thing burns me. All she had to so was cry and they let her have her party life back. There is NO WAY that 20 days in jail equals 40 days of “mansion-arrest”. That doesn’t scan at all. The sheriff should probably be fired.

This reminds me a little bit when I was mobilized to go to Iraq and one of my soldiers decided she didn’t want to go (she only wanted the college money). We went to Fort Drum to get ready for Iraq and all she did was cry and cry and disobey orders and throw fits. And what did the Army do? They let her go home. That sent a terrible message to the rest of my troops who were bustin’ their butts. They weren’t all thrilled with going, but it was their job and part of their lawful agreement with the government. There was a day when honor and keeping one’s word meant something.

Anyways… there does appear to be a glimmer of hope here – the judge, apparently peaved at the spineless Sheriff, wants Hilton back in court. [story] We shall see.

UPDATE:

[story] Ok, I feel better now.

OLD VERSION

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.

The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!

MODERN VERSION

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast.

How can this be, that in a country of such wealth this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper and everybody cries when they sing, “It’s Not Easy Being Green.”

Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant’s house where the news stations film the group singing, “We shall overcome.” Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper’s sake.

Barack Obama exclaims in an interview with Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and he calls for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.

Hillary Clinton gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal judges that Bill Clinton appointed from a list of single-parent welfare recipients.

The ant loses the case.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant’s food while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant’s old house, crumbles around him because he doesn’t maintain it. The ant has disappeared in the snow. The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be very, very careful how you vote!

On the 3-hour flight down to Orlando there was a family with a small girl (probably about 18 months) sitting in front of us. The little girl cried loudly for about two thirds of the flight. That’s two hours! I cannot emphasize how incredibly brain-piercing a little whine machine can be when you have to sit 20 inches away! I found myself checking my watch every few minutes to see how much closer our landing was. Needless to say, the entire back of the plane (where we were) was getting angry at the constant noise.

After pondering at length, I think that some parents are really very inconsiderate when it comes to their children. Not that they are inconsiderate to their children, but they are oblivious to the offensive sounds, smells, etc. emanating from their children that they have either grown numb to (like smokers who no longer realize their clothes stink) or dismiss as expected behavior from youngsters. And then unfortunately, some parents expose others around them (on planes, in restaurants, on buses, in lines) to these offenses without care or consideration… like the world must accept it because kids will be kids.

Now I’m not talking about only a little fussing or crying. There is some level of acceptability here… some level of balance… and I think that’s the whole point. There is a standard of propriety that one must take responsibility for… whether a dog barking endlessly at 2am, or a screaming infant in a quiet restaurant.

In my opinion, if a kid is screaming inordinately loud, I don’t think parents can force others to hear it… any more than I can force someone to have to smell something highly unpleasant and nauseous, or to force feed someone something that tastes highly unpleasant. So if I have to leave my skunk at home, then kids whose screaming is ear-piercing and can’t be controlled should be left at home, too. The parents on my flight should have had to pay for everyone’s plane ticket within a 15-foot radius of their bawling spawn.

I must mention that I know some classy parents who are very cognizant of their child and will not take it to a quiet restaurant when they know it’s being fussy… and if it starts crying at the restaurant they’ll take it out. Bravo! For the rest of you, I challenge you to remember that there are those of us who haven’t gotten “used to” crying and screaming, and who can’t tune it out quite as easily as you have learned to.

For those not keeping score at home HD-DVD and Blu-ray are in a race to become the “new” DVD standard. They both use blue-spectrum laser light to increase the information density on their discs (standard DVDs use red light). Much like many such technology standardization pissing contests races, the two competing technologies will fight to see which group of consumers guessed wrong. Anyone out there ever own a Beta player?

Anyways… over the last few days there’s been a big hubbub about the HD-DVD key being publicly released. Obviously the HD-DVD people aren’t happy… the MPAA isn’t happy… the successful hackers Blu-ray hired to break the encryption (just my opinion) are pleased with themselves… and the Blu-ray folks are smiling.

On the site Digg there was even a bit of a revolt when the admins there sought to delete the article there that was “outing” the key. Granted, they deleted the article by a cease-and-desist order, but their user community revolted (of sorts) and plastered the code everywhere on the site… and the admins ultimately relented to their users. Now we’ll see what happens to Digg.

Here’s a little more of the story from Gizmodo:

The power of Web 2.0 is in full effect over at Digg, where users are revolting over Digg’s decision to pull a story (that netted over 15,000 diggs) and reportedly boot a user for posting the HD-DVD AACS Processing Key number, which would allow someone to crack the copy protection on an HD-DVD. The front page (along with two and three) of Digg consists entirely of stories flaunting the number or criticizing Digg for its actions.

While it might not have proven to be the best course of action in hindsight, we seriously doubt that Kevin Rose’s decision to pull the story revealing the HD-DVD key was selling out or intentionally betraying the community. A number of people have pointed out that HD-DVD is a Digg sponsor, and have used that fact to level such charges at Kevin.

We have sponsors too, but that doesn’t ever mean we’d sell out our readers or alter our content because of those sponsors. Kevin has equally shown nothing but commitment to the Digg’s users, community, and site’s integrity. People should hear out his explanation for this move before wholesale trashing Digg’s founder.

That said, tonight’s been a watermark in social media, even just looking at the ingenious (and often hilarious) variations users have come up with to cram the key into headlines, comments and users invites. Personal favorite so far: “Digg deleted my hard drive for posting the HD-DVD KEY! Now my hard drive refuses to write in binary. I get Error Code: 09-F9-11-02-9D-74-E3-5B-D8-41-56-C5-63-56-88-C0 . Oh noz.”

The Madman has maintained www.madmanonline.com for a little while now. Granted, it has remained dormant for a long time… but recently the madness returned one last time.

It’s been over a year since I saw fit to bring enlightenment to the masses. I promised myself that I’d never write another one of these again, but I’ve been thinking about it, and I think I may have one last rave left in me.

Looking back, I think fondly of the day that I invented the "blog" and started my first little website, which had a shelf life of one month before my service provider removed me due to complaints. Since that time, I’ve seen my creation grow to great lengths. Seems like everybody’s got a blog these days. The unimportant, unintelligent, and clearly illiterate all see fit to post the stupid details of their worthless lives for all the world to read. I’ve seen them, I’ve read them. It’s sad. It’s a brutal self delusion to post the accounts of one’s personal life believing that anybody cares. Nobody cares.

It was because of this blatant disregard for all that is worth reading that I retired from all web design and commentary for so long. I sat back and read Time magazine declare "YOU" the man of the year, with all the MySpaces, Friendsters, Facebooks, etc. We, as a society, have decided that the meaningless and unimportant is key, and have forsaken all rational thought.

Example: Anna Nicole Smith. Just in case you missed the twenty-four hour news coverage, let me fill you in on something. She’s dead. As of this moment, the cause of death has yet to be determined. I’m willing to put $100 right now on drug use. Doesn’t really matter, to be honest. The world is a better place without her. It’s true. She wasn’t a star. The only reason she was famous is because she married a decrepit old man hoping he’d die and she could get all his money. Now she’s dead. Justice is served, the gene pool is a little deeper, and I tilted back a cold one in celebration. But, when this empty life finally ended, it’s all the news could talk about. I’ve seen hour-long shows talking about her "career." She won’t be missed. Mother freaking Theresa got less coverage. We’ve lost sight of the big picture.

Still not convinced? Well, if there was one thing that could keep our eyes off Anna Nicole’s hottie-to-fatty-to-hottie career, it’s Britney Spears. What happened there?! Let’s review. Somewhere around 1997 or 1998, and to be honest, it’s not really important when. She started as jail bait. That’s what she was. She was 16 years old and dancing around in a catholic schoolgirl outfit. She was a hit with the girlies, but an even bigger hit with men age 18-34. She played that card for a while, then it seems like overnight she went from teen queen to trailer trash. She married a no-talent wigger going by K.Fed. Eh… I can’t even type it without dry-heaving. Well, I was perfectly content ignoring her exploits and focusing on the rest of pop culture. The fact that she’s bred has me quite disturbed on a level deep down in places I don’t like to think about. But lately… I just can’t imagine what her kids are going to be like in school when some guy can present a picture of mommy’s snatch that can be found all over the internet. Oh, but it gets better. I see the front page of the New York Post and there’s Britney… bald-headed. I will repeat that. I see the front page of the New York Post and there’s Britney… bald-headed. Apparently she was in rehab for less than twenty-four hours, went bat-shit crazy, and shaved her head. This is front page news, people. We may very well be on the cusp of electing our first female president or our first black president. Anna Nicole Smith is still dead, and Britney is getting this kind of ink. Sad world. My only hope is that drug use can take her out too. Maybe a plane crash. We haven’t had a good plane crash since Aaliyah.

So, what’s the point I’m getting at? The fact is, that everybody has their own thing. People are making their own "shows" and posting them. Fifteen minutes of fame are being handed out to every shmoe with a webcam. The internet is impure, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. It’s on its way to hell in a hand-basket, and quite frankly, the only thing I can do is let the cycle ride itself out. After everyone gets tired of their own voice, perhaps there will be a demand once again for intelligent introspect. Until such a time as that, I’ll leave this ship before it sinks. Don’t worry, there’s still plenty of good left on the internet. Tubedaze.com, for example. Check it out. Somebody’s braving the storm.

So, after over 10 years of raving on the internet, I close this book. Under my belt are literally hundreds of complaints, four servers removing my site, and more than just a little justification. Let’s just take a brief look back.

I was there to point out the shortcomings of Tara Lapinski. You remember her, right? Yeah, me neither. Figure skating… some sport.

Let’s not forget Ashlee Simpson, the less talented half of Joe Simpson’s gravy train. I can’t possibly forget her SNL appearance back in October ’04. Ashlee, seriously, you made my year… and I like your sister’s boobs.

There were South Carolina drivers, crazy comic store girls with mattresses in closets… and let’s not forget the list. Chances are, you were on it.

Well, that was enough of a romp down memory lane. "The Madman" was a fun character to play. Before I go, I leave you one last word of enlightenment: If someone asks if you are a god, you say yes.

Good luck, and get a helmet. We have nowhere to go but down.

~Madman